In every relationship there comes a time when things quieten down, the honeymoon period diminishes and we sink into a level of comfort outing all those attentive details to the side.
Often, this will occur after a new little bundle arrives into the household, and the arrival of said little critter (or critterS!) can throw everyone out.
Sleepless nights can make a mother drained, overtired and cranky.
The changes on their body post birth can make a mother self conscious – think, the “you still look pregnant” belly that can hang around for months, stretch marks, excess skin.
Having a mini human attached to them that squarks at no contact can make a mother feel overwhelmed, overtouched, and over adulting.
A tired, cranky mother can make a partner feel frustrated, especially if they simply don’t hear the baby waking, or if the babe is breastfed, it can be a little difficult for said partner to settle the crying bub.
The changes that the mother has been through in the preceding months (or years) can often intrigue and even overwhelm a partner. They see the pain, they see the stretching, they see the hormonal impacts. They may not say it, but they do feel it, too.
A mother that is overtouched may not want to get down to the nitty gritty and start the baby making actions again, with their partner feeling pushed aside, or unloved. Mothers are already pumping out the love with their offspring – seriously, let that love be shared, and mama may make the love eyes at papa (or mama2).
It doesn’t need to be a materialistic offering to bring the spark back into your home, when things start to wane.
♥ Remind your partner why you love them – show appreciation for the small things that made you fall in love with them in the first place. With the arrival of a babe, both parents can feel neglected, and we can forget the reasons that drew us into the position that created this little love.
♥ Bring back the biff – have fun with one another! A life without laughter is dull. Very dull. Frustration with ourselves can build up. Frustration with everyone around us can build up. We are tired, and often breaking the barrier with laughter or an experience (even going out for a coffee to a new venue, or a picnic, or just a simple walk) together can be enough to relieve some of the anguish.
♥ Practice gratitude – be thankful for everything that your partner does for you. Hanging up their wet towel after a shower, or bringing you a drink, or vacuuming the car – they may seem like little or everyday things, but practice gratitude knowing that your partner does these things.
♥ Time – date time, family time, just spend time together. And put your phones away, unless they’re taking photos of the moment for the memories.
♥ Watch your mouth – say sorry (and mean it), say I love you (and mean it), pass an [honest] compliment.
♥ Dress up – not kinky (but who am I to judge?) but look after your appearance. You’re at home, and want to live in your trackies, and that’s ok – just make sure that they’re clean (this can be hard if you have a spewy/colic troubled babe, I know – I’ve been there twice!), and you most certainly can add a scarf or a fun tee, if you’re wanting some colour. Make a point of dressing to feel good about yourself, because you deserve to feel your best, especially when you may be feeling at your worst.
♥ Take time out – independence is important for self growth. Do something on your own, whether it be a walk, a coffee, a trip. Yes, we may have kids with us, but not relying on your partner to be there with you all the time gives you something to talk about when you are together, and it also provides you with a level of freedom if you’re able to escape kid free every now and then.
♥ Be kind – to them, and yourself. Give each other space. Eat foods that nourish you, and make you feel good from the inside out. Get moving – housework can be a great workout, as can running around with the kidlets.
♥ Recognise the importance of intimacy – in the bedroom, and outside it. I’m not talking about shagging on the stairs, but a relationship does thrive with love, and that comes from the loving between you both. Leave love letters in the fridge, send a nice email or text, or a raunchy snapchat. Your love shouldn’t leave when another body comes into your home.
♥ Dream together – look to your future, and have something to work towards together. We need our own individual goals, but we are in a partnership. Set a goal for the both of you – it can be as small as a night out, or as large as a holiday or a house. Remember, dreams are free, and you can let them run wild.
I would love to know – how do you keep the love alive in your relationship?