The new financial year has kicked over and what better way to reconsider where we are heading!
This new year will bring a new location for us, and new direction for me – a new home, a new lifestyle, and so many new doorways.
We say goodbye to the home that Sam and I had built. Initially it was designed with the idea that we would live in it for a year, sell it off and start to get ahead financially (as opposed to chasing our tails paying off years of debt). The big man upstairs had a different idea, and introduced Harley to our lives in the middle of it all. 2 and a half years, 1 extra child, lots of laughter, tears, a separation, an incredible reunion of that broken marriage, and we have finally sold up.
3 years (& 1 week if I am to be exact) ago Sam joined the police force. If I thought that was a stressful, all consuming, overwhelming venture, it was clear that I was simply being trialled for selling a house, and trying to find a new home with a limitations on time, location and of course, money……
Selling our house has changed our lives in so many ways – it sounds cliché I know – from seeing our marriage continue to fail, to blossoming more and more every day; downsizing the house size (from 4 bedrooms, 3 living areas (one open plan area), 2 bathrooms, and being newly built, to a 3 bedroom, single living shared kitchen/dining, 1 bathroom 40 year old home); changing the kids schooling; reducing the mortgage to provide financial flexibility for me to be able to go interstate to see my family on a monthly/bi-monthly basis; and overall, our family has come together in a calmer, more open and communicative manner.
Preparing our home, and then the sales process did in fact cost a lot on a mental nature that I was completely unprepared for. Sam and I couldn’t see eye to eye with anything, and the strain between us drove us further apart (to the point that we actually were going in our own separate ways permanently). If I am to be honest, I loathed going home because “we” were so unhappy. We were lucky enough to have a sales agent that sold the house very quickly, and was unfortunately the brunt of our frustration in the lead up to the sale.
Having such a quick sale also meant that we had to become civil enough to decide on our future, and that pressure broke down the astronomical communication barrier between us.
Releasing all the pent up anger also raised questions about my career path, the requirement for ‘time out’ individually, our parenting differences, and above all, expectations were let go of in every area.
All the walls I had been building up over the last 10+ years crumbled in one huge hit. Grief turned to understanding, acceptance and in a complete turn of events, we have become incredibly mindful in our actions. The flow on effect has started filling our lives with opportunities, relationships and lessons about gratitude and honesty.
Never have I fully understood the importance of touch on another human, and the knowledge of how much I can love someone.
Never have I felt the utter heartbreak at giving up our home, and being pushed away by my husband again.
Never have I prayed for “a sign” that there was a silver lining.
Never have I been torn apart, and come out so completely at peace.
Never have I been so in love with my life, and the people I am surrounded with.
Until recently, I hadn’t realised the power of being honestly grateful. It has closed off some doors, and opened up gates leading to a future filled with wonder, and love.
So much love.